2/10/11
Dear Jehovah God,
Even though Ephraim hire allies among the nations, now You will gather them up; and they will begin to diminish because of the burden of the king of princes.
Therefore, behold, You shall gather all my lovers with whom I took pleasure, even all those whom I loved and all those whom I hated. So You shall gather them against me from every direction and expose my nakedness to them that they may see all my nakedness.
And if I say in my heart, ‘Why have these things happened to me?’ Because of the magnitude of my iniquity my skirts have been removed, and my heels have been exposed.
So You Yourself have also stripped my skirts off over my face, that my shame may be seen.
Therefore, You gave her into the hand of her lovers, into the hand of the Assyrians, after whom she lusted.
Therefore, O Oholibah, thus says the Lord Jehovah, ‘Behold, I will arouse your lovers against you, from whom you were alienated, and I will bring them against you from every side.’
Lest You strip her naked and expose her on the day when she was born. You will also make her like a wilderness, make her like a desert land, and slay her with thirst.
And then You will uncover her lewdness in the sight of her lovers, and no one will rescue her out of Your hand.
Behold, You are against me and You will lift up my skirts over my face, and show to the nations my nakedness and to the kingdoms my disgrace. You will throw filth on me and make me vile, and set me up as a spectacle.
I am sorry I have hired allies among the nations. I know You gather us up. I know they begin to suffer for a while because of the burden and the king of the princes.
I am sorry You gather all my lovers with whom I took pleasure. Am sorry for even all those whom I loved and all those whom I hated. I know You gather them against me from every direction and expose my nakedness to them that they may see all my nakedness.
I am so very sorry that I have said in my heart, ‘Why have these things happened to me?’ And may I never say it again. I know why these things happened to me. I am a harlot and I need to be punished. And hopefully the more I am punished, the closer I can get to You. I am truly sorry for the magnitude of my iniquity. I know my skirts have been removed, and my heels have been exposed. I am sorry that You have to strip my skirt off my face, but my shame may be seen. I am sorry that You have to do that, I know that You do not want to but You must.
I know Your going to give me into the hand of my lovers, into the hand of the Assyrians, after whom I have lusted. I am sorry for You that You have to. I know You will arouse my lovers against me, from whom I was alienated. I know You will bring them against me from every side.
I am sorry that You have to strip me naked and expose me as on the day when I was born, I am sorry that You make me like a wilderness, make me like desert land, and slay me with thirst. Am sorry for You because I know You do not want to. You must hate doing it, but You do it for our own good?
I know You uncover my lewdness in the sight of my lovers. I know no one will rescue me out of Your hand. I am sorry for my lewdness, but it is who I am. How do I change? How will uncovering my lewdness in the sight of my lovers make me stop being lewd? What is it for? How is it for my own good?
I know You are against me. I know You have to be. I know You lift up my skirt over my face, and show the nations my nakedness and to the kingdoms my disgrace. My humiliation and disgrace and take away any dignity I may have had, but it probably away any dignity I may have had, but it probably hurts You to do it more than it does me. I only know humiliation and disgrace and subjection, and that is what I am familiar with and understand. I do not know why You do it or why You hurt Yourself for me. I cannot stop being lewd even when it is exposed. It just means I do not have to pretend anymore that I am not. I am sorry. I am sorry for who I am and I am sorry for hurting You and I am sorry that I make You hurt Yourself for me.
I know You throw filth on me and make me vile. I know You have to set me up as a spectacle. It is okay. I am sorry that You have to.
And the Babylonians came to her to the bed of love, and they defiled her with their harlotry. And when she had been defiled by them, she became disgusted with them.
Behold, You will give me into the hand of those I hate, into the hand of those form whom I was alienated.
What does that mean? Yeah, I am disgusted with them, they lied. They defiled me and then left me and now I have no lover. I paid them and they took it and they just defiled me with their harlotry. And I am disgusted because I just let them! I paid them, I wanted it, and then it was not what I thought it would be. It was not what I wanted. They were not what I wanted. And I am still doing it. I am still hoping and wishing and daydreaming for them! I am hopeless. That is why I am guilty and I cannot stop.
I know You give me into the hand of those whom I hate, into the hand of those from who I was alienated. Yeah, so what? I am sorry that You have to, but I do not know why You do. It does not matter anyway. Everyone hates me, I am used to being among those I hate and have to put up with. I do not know love. I do not love. I do not do love. I am evil and everyone around me is evil and I do not know how to change.
My nakedness is uncovered, my shame is exposed; You take vengeance and not spare a man. I am sorry that You have to. I believe You and I trust You. And I am so sorry that I hurt You and make You do that to me. I am sorry I am this way and that I cannot change. Please change me! You will have to change my very nature! I am sorry that You have made me. Amen, Amen, & Amen!